I really have nothing of substance to say. Imagine that. I've been debating what to post for almost an hour now. I have what I think, is a hilarious video of some of the referee's from Lawn Mower King's last game, but I vowed to myself I wouldn't put anything remotely identifiable on this website. So I can't put that up - though I giggle everytime I see it.

I've taken no new pictures. I haven't even tried any interesting recipes. I'd tell the story Hillary wants to hear - but trust me, it's pathetic.

Here's what I've come up with:

If you could change one thing about yourself (personality, disposition, physical characteristics, etc) what would you change? No cheating and saying you can't choose and you would change two things or everything. If I have to choose, gosh darnit, so do you.

When I first thought of this question, I thought, of course, I'd change my weight.

Nah. That's too easy. That's a simple fix to a complex problem. That's a cop out. I want to have the satisfaction of losing weight for myself - not just having it magically disappear.

No, if I could change one thing about myself, I would give myself more self confidence. I'd like to be able to walk into anything and know that no matter what I do, I am not going to give up until I succeed.. I feel like I've given up a lot lately. From the little things to the big things.

"I'm never going to be able to keep this house clean for more than a day, why bother?"
"I'm never going to get a teaching job. Why bother?"
"I'm never going to lose weight, why bother?"

The past three and a half years have beaten me down, I admit it. (Are you happy, dear, I admitted it!) LMK tries to build me up, but there's only so much he can do. I'm lucky to have someone in my corner telling me he believes in me and supports me. I tell myself how lucky I am frequently. It doesn't help. I've got this constant negative dialog running through my head. Constant. It's like there is a negative/positive switch on in my head and it's stuck on negative. But the negative switch only affects me.

For example, I have no doubt that LMK will get a head coaching position. No. doubt.

I doubt I will ever see my own classroom.

Ever.