Camera Critters - Guilt

Tonight, in what I thought was a regular conversation with my parents they dropped a bombshell. About a month ago, Lucy was in a freak but potentially fatal accident. She's on the mend and getting back to being her old self, but it doesn't make it any easier.

So, if you have time today, say a little prayer for my Lucy - who is almost back to 100%, my parents - who are still upset over the situation, and then go hug your pets. In the blink of an eye, they could be gone.

Career Crisis

I never thought there would be days that I hate my job this much or that they'd happen so often.

Maybe I wasn't cut out to teach. I already spend my days feeling like I'm letting my kids down. Now, I have parents complaining their gifted child is bored. SO AM I!? We're reviewing, it's boring. I didn't know I was supposed to get up in the front of the room and dance.

Since a parent went to the principal and complained (without coming to me mind you) that their little angel is bored, I now have an official negative evaluation. Great. It's not formal, but its still written down.

I'm seriously at a loss. I'm told 90% of my students are expected to pass the state tests. If that didn't sound unreasonable enough...let me break it down by numbers. That means I can have EXACTLY 1 student fail. I've got 7 working below grade level, 3 of those are at least two grade levels behind, and 3 potentially gifted students.

I keep my homeroom for reading in which they must be taught on grade level. As I understand that, it means everyone is presented the same information. However, I am supposed to be differentiating.

I have one student at an 11th grade math level. What the hell do I do with him?

Science we were asked to increase use of the interactive notebooks. I've been using them all year. I'm pretty darn proud I've stuck with them this long - they're B-O-R-I-N-G! But oh no, the gifties are bored.

Oh, don't use paper. We're trying to reduce copying costs and we make far too many copies.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like no matter what I do, it's wrong. I look around and I hear/see all these great teachers and I honestly wonder how they do it.

For a job that everyone tells me I am a natural at - I suck. I am the most educated on my team, but I feel like the kid who is below grade level. I feel like I've forgotten everything in the four years I spent subbing. My mentor is no help. He uses the textbook more than me. The other 4th grade teacher is in the same boat, but she's smarter than me. She has great ideas. Me. Not so much.

Maybe subbing is the way to go. No thinking, just following someone else's plans. THAT I can do and do well.

Suggestions? Anyone? Anything? I'm really kind of desperate at this point. It usually takes more than a month of school to break me. Hey, last year I made it to October.

As far as I can tell, I have two choices. Get a technology job - which I think I would be good at (but hey, I thought I could be a good teacher), or get out of this district. Out of Virginia.

Are there any other jobs out there for teacher with 2 years teaching experience who just can't hack it? Target is looking better and better all the time.

Camera Critters #Uh...

It's been a while since I've done CC, but I'm trying to be a better blogger. This week is a barn cat. Well, a former barn cat. Don't tell the others, but she was my favorite. She had quite an attitude, but she was just beautiful. Sometimes, I wonder what happened to her when we moved. I choose to believe she moved down the road to the next farm where she could get fed reliably. That's what I choose to believe.
I still feel guilty for leaving all my barn cats. Animals are defenseless, if I could I'd save them all. But I can't. And that breaks my heart.

Did I mention we got a hamster last weekend? Hokie, Ollie, and Socks are thrilled - an interactive toy!

One week down

My first week of school with kids went well. I have a nice group of children even though they are a chatty bunch. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Sheesh! There are worse things to deal with. Slowly I am trying to figure out how to meet all the changes that were thrust upon us a week before school started. I'm hoping I will have everything running smoothly by the end of the first quarter. Time will tell.

The cats got fleas. *scratch, scratch, scratch* $400 later *scratch, scratch, scratch* everyone seems to be doing ok. *scratch, scratch, scratch* Ollie became anemic from it. *scratch, scratch, scratch* When we took him to the vet he only weighed 9 pounds. *scratch, scratch, scratch* He looks so skinny. *scratch, scratch, scratch* He scares me. *scratch, scratch, scratch* Poor baby.

Younger Daughter...can I call her Lawn Mower Princess?... I'll need to think of an official name for her and her "sister" is all moved into school. She doesn't have much. LMK and I went out and bought her some necessities. You know, like towels. Her mom is shipping her stuff and it should arrive tomorrow, but I'm not sure exactly what belongings will be coming.

There is much to come in the future. Living with us. Lots of questions that need answered.

For example:

• Do we leave her in the "guest bedroom" down the hall from us that has the closet with all my clothes in it?
• If we move her, where are we going to find a bed?
  
• Where do I move my clothes? The only other closet upstairs is LMK's.
  
• Where do we put his clothes?
  
• Do we move her from the guest room with no lock on the door to the soon to be old computer room that has deadbolt locks and a chain lock on the doors? I really don't like the thought of her being able to barricade herself into her room. :o)
  
• Can I do this? Raising a child you've known since birth is one thing. What about a child you met a year and a half ago and haven't seen for a year. She's a good kid, but how is this going to work?
  

Only time will tell, I suppose. Only time.