Decisions

I've been thinking a lot lately about our life (HH and mine). I am sick to death of spinning my wheels and settling. Let me go back and explain a little before I continue.

My brother is going to be so successful one day. He's smart as whip. He's funny and he's caring. He will do whatever he wants to do. Companies are fighting to hire him right out of school.

I've never had that. People put up with me. The teachers I sub for love me, but I apparently don't make an impression on the administration for whatever reason. No one wants to hire me. I fully realize that there will always be someone better at my job than me. That's true for everyone. However, EVERYONE being better at my job than me is killing whatever confidence I might have had. Subbing will not be my life. I'll find some boring 9-5 job before I sub for 20 years.

Meanwhile, HH is stuck in a position with absolutely no options for advancement. He's associated with Head Coach who is on the Athletic Director's bad list (anyone associated with soccer is on that list). Head Coach is a wonderful man who I think of as family. The AD has all but broken whatever spirit Head Coach had. He's awful. HH and Head Coach must make the conference tournament or Head Coach is gone. Right now, the team is hemorraging. Someone has to get control - winning is the last thing on anyone's mind. HH is as loyal as they come - even more loyal than me at times, but staying at The College will ultimately hurt his career, not help it. When he leaves (not if), he's really going to miss those girls.

But back to the wheel spinning...

As far as I can tell, HH and I are in the same position. Stuck in neutral.

I think we have to get out of this town.

Pros to staying (as I see them)

• Living in a house, rent free.
• Living close to my parents.
• Being able to have 3 cats and a dog (what apartment or rental house allows that?)
• Living on the farm.
• Being close to family.
• I already have my Ohio license - I wouldn't have to go through an application process to get a license in another state.
• Three years time put in subbing toward a full-time position.
• Living close to my friends.
• Doctors I know and like for HH and myself
  

Cons to staying (as I see them)

• Dismal job market not only for me, but HH as well.
• They're selling the farm anyway - they'll be gone in 7 months anyway.
• Living across from the quarry. It's dusty, dirty, and LOUD.
• Choosing to live dangerously close to poverty just to have a chance "someday" of getting a job.
• Continuing to wait to begin our life.
• Relying on others not just each other.
• No baby in the near future.
  
• Living paycheck to paycheck.

Pros to Leaving (as I see them) - contingent upon both of us having jobs

• Possibility of walking into a full-time position for one or both of us, depending on where we move.
• Finally starting my career.
• Paying off student loans.
• HH getting his masters which will help him get a better job.
• Being able to attempt National Board certification
• Being able to start a family!
• Weight loss surgery? It might at least be an option.
• The farm is being sold anyway - what am I holding on to or trying to hold on to?
• Being able to take vacations.
• Paying off car loans.
• Can still keep in touch with family and friends via email, IM, and phone.
• Make new friends!
  

Cons to Leaving (as I see them)

• Moving! Ugh. The thought makes me queasy.
• Leaving my mom.
  
• Leaving Twin.
• Possibly having to give up one or more pets.
• Finding new doctors for HH and myself.
• Getting a new license - even though I've got a current negative FBI search letter good for 2 years.
• Starting a family away from family.
  
• Renting.
• Change.
• Failing.

Say What?!

If you're wondering who/what the heck I am talking about here's a brief guide to the people I talk about frequently. I'll add more when and if it becomes necessary.

LMK (a.k.a. Lawn Mower King) - You know...that guy I'm married to. He's only a king by marriage though. ;o)

The College - LMK's place of employment

Twin - My best friend. We've often been accused of not only being sisters, but of being twins. We don't think we look a like, but apparently others do. I do not have an actual twin sister/brother, however twins run in my family. My dad is a twin but apparently it skips a generation. Eep.

Molly - My oldest cousin's wife. She's one of my best friends. We can't figure out why everyone says we're trouble together. Who us? Double trouble.

District #1 - My mother's former district. Soon to be joined by Districts #2, 3, and 4. One of which will hopefully lead to Job #1.

Shoes

On several occasions I have been regaled with childhood stories of my husband. Haven't we all? I know for a fact that on more occasions than I would like to admit to the poor man has been bored to tears amused by childhood stories of me. I think it's part of having in-laws.

One of the classics is this little ditty:

As a young child (4 years old, I believe), LMK was walking down the hill from his first home to his grandparent's house right down the hill. His mom would call his grandma to tell her he was on his way then she would watch him walk over the hill, while Grandma watched him walk down. As LMK is tromping through the grass he comes upon a snake*. LMK freaks (as would I) and runs back up the hill to his mom.

Leaving his shoes behind.

The joke was and is that he "ran out of his shoes" to get away from a snake.

Whelp, he's done it again. The other night we were outside watering the plants. I was giving the elephant ears a good dousing because I finally have one that is at least half the size of his mom's. It must be cared for so as not to die. I'd finished watering the elephant ears and started making my way down the beds watering the other things I have planted while talking to LMK.

All of a sudden something was stinging me.

"Ow......OW!" I yelled. "HH something is stinging me!"
"LMQ! Run!"

We'd happened upon a nest in the landscaping tiles. I think they were sweat bees. Whatever they were my sting hurts like a mother fu the dickens.


I immediately dropped the hose and ran to where he was standing and started figuring out what had happened. He had gotten stung on the foot before he realized he needed to run and I had been stung right above my ankle. He told me the bees had been starting to swarm around my feet when he yelled to me to run. We went inside to nurse our collective wounds.

Leaving his shoes in the yard, right where he'd run out of them.

Again.

* It is important to note that LMK hates snakes. In fact, he shudders when he sees them on tv. He doesn't go near then when we go to the zoo. He's not however so afraid of them that he freaks out at the sight of rubber snakes. He leaves that to his aunt.

Just My Luck

How sweet is the guy I married?

We're out in the backyard picking blackberries and not only is he getting the ones that I would require me to balance on one foot and hope I don't fall into the bushes, but he's also picking the majority of the berries. He's hot, he's sweaty, and there are bugs. At one point when he was leaning into the berry bushes and all I can see is the back of his legs, I said to him teasingly, "sounds like you're just looking for an excuse to quit on me."

He dropped the berry he was picking into my bucket and looked at me seriously.
"LMQ," he said, "in five and a half years of marriage I have never quit on you and I never will."

At which point, he returned to the job at hand. Nothing more, nothing less - just a simple statement of fact.

Say What?!

If you're wondering who/what the heck I am talking about here's a brief guide to the people I talk about frequently. I'll add more when and if it becomes necessary.

LMK (a.k.a. Lawn Mower King) - You know...that guy I'm married to. He's only a king by marriage though. ;o)

The School - LMK's place of employment

Twin - My best friend. We've often been accused of not only being sisters, but of being twins. We don't think we look a like, but apparently others do. I do not have an actual twin sister/brother, however twins run in my family. My dad is a twin but apparently it skips a generation. Eep.

Molly - (a.k.a. My partner in crime) My oldest cousin's wife. She's one of my best friends. We can't figure out why everyone says we're trouble together. Who us? Double trouble.

Mo Mom - Also my cousin. She is a few years older than me and I grew up idolizing her. I attribute her with my love of bands like Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, and Poison. She now has three daughters who I love to spoil.

District #1 - My mother's former district. Soon to be joined by Districts #2, 3, and 4. One of which will hopefully lead to Job #1.